The something "out of the ordinary" I came up with was to ask my husband to go for a walk with me. I chose this because I know it's something we use to do when the kids were little and don't anymore, plus we did it every day while we were at the beach this Christmas and it was wonderful. He declined, because he was too tired. At least he thought it sounded great and said he'd love to any other time.
Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your committment?
My love in the past has been based on both - I love or conversely, am annoyed by, my husbands' behavior and attributes but sometimes it is committment that has seen us through. I have no illusions that sometimes in a marriage, the committment, the promise you made is all there is. I have seen that, I have experienced that on both sides. I use to think it meant the other person was just "going through the motions" if they stayed in a marriage just because they promised to, but with age, and experience, comes wisdom (or one can hope so anyway) and I have learned that sometimes that committment is all there is to sustain a marriage. The mere fact that you promised you would, and that in and of itself, shows promise, because if you can see your way through that time, you have hope and hope and love together can do great things.
How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?
This is something I struggle with. It's taken me a very long time and many, many tears to understand the concept that love is free. That loving someone doesn't mean they have to love you back or that if they do, that they will love you or show their love the way you want them to. Loving someone means you have to let them love you the way that they can. It means letting go of all of the "ideals" you've had of love being reciprocal, mutual, or equal. Can it be those things? Absolutely. But is it always those things? No.
I can continue to show my husband love when he is being unloveable, when he shows his love in ways that I know are his way and not mine. Hmmm...easier said than done, that's for sure but it is definitely something to seek, a way of being to aspire to, a way to love that is free.
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